nut hugger
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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