I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
