Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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