I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
