Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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