I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
