What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
