and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
