Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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