I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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