i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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