im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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