my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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