I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
