So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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