I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
