So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had sex on a roof
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
