i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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