Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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