Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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