I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
