I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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