Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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