....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
