Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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