It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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