We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
