I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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