i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
