sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
