after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
