Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
