dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
