I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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