Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
