Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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