God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
