She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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