TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
