i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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