im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
