I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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