Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
