im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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