The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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