Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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