We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
