I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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