I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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