Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
