I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
