finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
