i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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