Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
