Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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