the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
