how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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