I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
