I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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