my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
