am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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