i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
