I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
