Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
