how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
